


A Minor Miscalculation

by AnAngryRat



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Stiles is Derek's Favorite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 06:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4049908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAngryRat/pseuds/AnAngryRat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles finds out he's pregnant on his way back home. It goes about as well as you think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Minor Miscalculation

**Author's Note:**

> See notes for aditional warnings.

The panic doesn’t start to set in until after he gets off the plane. He spent the last twenty minutes of his twenty hour flight reviewing every detail of denial that he had built. It couldn’t of happen. Not now or ever. He was just having a late heat. _A month and a half late usually equals pregnancy_ , his traitorous mind supplied.

            The old lady was lying when she talked about the airsickness. His coworkers called him puppy because he looked young. He was rounder because of all the delicious polish food. He wasn't pregnant! He hadn't had sex in months! _There was that one time with Derek on the edge of one of the easiest heats you've ever had even on suppressants_ , Stiles mind argued. _Aha_ , Stiles denial ridden side said, _you don't have heats when pregnant_.

 _You've done the research you know that can happen_ , the sane part whispered back.

“The plane is now descending.”

And oh my god, Stiles had to get on another flight back. He was not showing up nearly halfway through his pregnancy to his group of extremely interpersonal friends with no sense of personal space and secrets. He started panting loudly enough to recognize he was doing. He gulped air and made plans.

He would get off the plane get his bags and buy a plane ticket back to Poland. Fuck this. He'll come back in two years, and say he adopted them. It was a stupid idea his and Derek’s genes had to create something so mind blowingly beautiful everyone would recognize him or her. The baby could be ugly as hell too but it still had their genes someone would know. Whatever, blowing this off so he appears less, what's the word, idiotic is better than this shit.

Yeah off the plane and then immediately back on. That'll work. He'll tell his dad. His dad will be more understanding than anyone else. Stilinski men tend to have similar circles of denial and acceptance.

As soon as the flight attendants said use your phones. He flipped it out and bought another ticket for an hour later heading back to Poland. As soon as the ticket was confirmed he let out a breath of relief. He could blow this off. He absolutely could.

His phone buzzed.

SCOTT: We've got a surprise for you :D

Stiles swallowed.

STILES: you're in the airport aren't you

SCOTT: Dammit it was supposed to be a surprise! Everybody's mad now.

STILES: I might be late:

Stiles made a plan about how he was going to hide his scent. There are perfumes and clothes he can buy. No one will see or recognize him by smell or otherwise and he can get on the plane and just leave. He can leave for a year or two. Come back with what is probably going to be the most beautiful child in the world except with less stupidity from their stupid stupid stupid child rearing parent. Stiles will lie if he gets caught. If. He's already has it built up. But at least going to Poland for a couple of years gives him an excuse not to tell Derek who left him high and dry all those months ago.

Good god did he not want that confrontation. The fucker left him when he _knew_ Stiles had a flight that morning. When he _knew_ that this was his only chance before there was no contact and he fucking left Stiles with only come dripping down his leg. That asshole he was gonna have to do a lot of groveling before they got anywhere.

Stiles preferred that groveling be not when there was the baby in the crossfire. Two years down the road Stiles would show he was self-proficient and there would be no "don't you want my money," or "wouldn't you want the best for them with two parents." He could and would do this. He would.

Stiles sat up and ambled off the plane both bags in hand. He went straight to the stores and bought sunglasses and a hoodie. Then overused some sample colognes until his scent was hidden. He was waiting for the tram to the airport when he spotted Derek. He shook his head hunched his shoulders up and waited patiently.

Stupid asshole was wearing his deputy uniform. That's probably how he got across airport security. Fuck.

Stiles didn't look at him after his first glance. He played calm. Looking at other people and waiting for the tram. That was probably his first mistake because suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. Stiles jumped and immediately started cursing in Polish with a thick accent.  
Derek backed off eyes narrowed.

"You look very familiar," he said cautiously. Stiles babbled quietly in Polish until the tram doors opened and he rushed inside. Derek rolled his eyes and followed him in.

"Common Stiles, I know it's you, even past the silly disguise," he said crossing his arms.

Stiles continued mumbling apologies in Polish and subtly backing up. One of the other patrons of the tram was a big guy that probably outweighed Derek in pure muscle by at least 50 pounds turned and asked him, "Is he bothering you" in terrible Polish. Stiles gave him his best bambi eyes behind his glasses and nodded. The guy placed himself in front of him leaving Stiles with the exit on one side and three hundred pounds of muscle ready to beat the shit out of Derek if needed. Derek glared at him.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to hide but you’re doing a terrible job,” he said in a quiet calm tone as not to rile the other man up. Stiles pressed his back against the doors and apologized a few more times each less coherent than the next. The big guy checked on Stiles and lightly touched Derek’s shoulder.

“Officer, I mean no trouble but let the kid alone,” he said just as the doors whooshed open. Stiles sprinted away barely catching the tail end of the man saying, “Jesus, look you scared the poor kid off.”

Okay, he was going to have to get another disguise. Stiles slipped off his cap then walked into a women’s store and grabbed a head scarf and some make up. He quickly covered up his moles and then finished off with mascara and lipstick. He quickly wrapped his head with the scarf so it would look like a hijab and walked out with his bags.

They were standing in a crowd and Stiles almost felt guilty. Almost. Stiles admitted to himself and possibly his dad that he actually enjoyed being away from the constant presence of his friends. He saw them every day. They were constantly in his apartment, at his work, in his classes, and they demanded to know who he was sleeping with. Not only that Lydia and Erica knew his suppressant subscription how much he needed and even knew his heat patterns better than he did. He shuddered. Yeah space. That was nice. He loved his friends would kill for them again and again if he had to but god were they creepy stalker-y assholes.

He made it to checking his bag before he smelled Scott. Stiles waited until he approached him and made it clear he was speaking to him.

“Hey,” he said clearly looking him over. Stiles looked up and made eye contact through the sunglasses. He looked around and pointed to himself.

“Yeah, you look familiar,” he said getting closer.

“Motherfucker curse words gibberish cat dog fat man, fuck ass shit blasphemy chair, room,” Stiles said in Arabic. He knew like five words but if it was confusing to him Scott would definitely fall off his trail.

Scott blushed and backed up.

“Oh, sorry madam,” he said before running off. Stiles refused to smile at his victory. Language always scares them off. Heh. Stiles proceeded through checking his bag and made it halfway to the TSA and ran into Derek one more time. This time he was a lot more pissed off than amused.

“Stiles what the fuck are you hiding,” Derek said gripping his arm. Stiles smiled with all his teeth.

“Continue touching me and I’ll scream,” he said through his teeth while tugging off the sunglasses and the headscarf. Derek let go hands up glare written across his face. Stiles tugged and backed towards the TSA line.

“I was never here,” Stiles said. He turned handed his ID to the worker and passed through the checkout easily. He was on the other side before he waved at a fuming Derek and ran to his gate because his plane was boarding.

*

            Derek stomped to the crowd of people waiting for Stiles.

            “Did you see him? He should have been off by now,” Allison asked bouncing on her toes.

            “Yes,” he grumbled brushing past them. Stiles would call the Sherriff in two days when Stiles was wherever he was going and broke down and called his dad.

            “Where is he?” Lydia asked trying to stop him.

            “On a plane heading out of country probably,” Derek growled over his shoulder making his way to the car.

            “What,” shouted Erica.

            Derek continued to stomp to his car and drove home angrily. Stiles was fucking ridiculous when he wanted to hide something. Derek just wanted to reconnect see if he could be forgiven for running away after spending three hours in his own head screaming that if he stayed Stiles was going to leave him for someone else anyway. So he ran. He was now (if Stiles was still single) officially supposed to grovel except Stiles came back so freaked out about something he cross dressed through airport check in just to hide it. Derek was going to give him at least three days before he broke and talked to the Sherriff. That’s when Derek will strike for information. The Sherriff will know and probably tell him.

            Derek sighed as he pulled to a stop light. The Stilinski men were very loyal to each other. Both of them suddenly became the world’s greatest poker players when they were protecting the other. Derek respected it. He could see it happening with him and his family but no matter whether it was in the other’s wellbeing a secret was a secret and they would stay silent until the cows came home. It occurs to Derek idly as he pulls up to the police station that the Stilinski’s might be a little psychotic. In fact everyone he was friends with might be verging on murderous. He shakes himself before strutting into the small building. He heads straight to Stilinski’s office.

            The Sherriff looks up lazily from his stack of paperwork.

            “What are you doing here? Your shift doesn’t start for another hour,” he said. Derek shifted uncomfortably. The mood drops considerably in the room and the Sherriff crosses his arms and sighs heavily.

            “What did he do now,” he asked with much less enthusiasm.

            “He’s probably half way across the United States since he wimped out of actually greeting his friends and family before hopping back on an airplane,” Derek answered dryly.

            “Shit,” the Sheriff said dropping his head in his hands. Derek dropped his palms on the desk and leaned in close.

            “He’ll call you in probably three to five days. You give me the information and three weeks off next month I’ll fly over. See if I can drag him back,” Derek bargained. He didn’t mention how he needed to fix things and how Stiles on multiple occasions nearly got him arrested or in a fight in their very short encounter in the airport. The Sherriff gave him a knowing look anyway. Derek instinctively backed up. It was unusual for a beta to freak him out this much. Then again this was the beta that produced the omega that had him by the balls at the moment.

            “Deal,” Sherriff said a frighteningly familiar malicious smirk on his face, “Son, you should buy him some vintage Star Wars posters stat or he won’t acknowledge you for the next couple of months.”

            Derek nodded before walking out of the room. It was times like this where he was incredibly happy his family was on the east coast. Only two family members had explicit knowledge of what he did in Beacon Hills. Thank. Fucking. God. His mother’s would have fucking castrated him for his behavior. The clique he found himself in was nothing compared to his invasive and degrading family.

            He sat down in his desk before releasing a breath. A month then he’ll get to _actually_ talk to him.

*

            Stiles got back to Poland and rearranged his entire schedule to fit around him graduating in Poland. Then set up multiple doctor’s appointments one specifically for suppressants so he won’t grow breast. He shuddered to think the idea of them hanging there full and alien against his chest. He was already feeling slightly off from the immediate roundness of his usually flat belly. Stiles liked looking and feeling alpha. The omega that settled in around him was disorientating. He’d rather let his kid be bottle fed than dealing with hating his body for a year or two after his pregnancy.

            It took two weeks back before Stiles sat between his bed and his dresser knees pulled up as close to his chest as he could and called his dad. He had moved his contacts to a new phone and changed his number the moment he landed on foreign soil. He did not want to deal with the already ridiculous calls and text he’d been getting from his frantic friends. So he’d just sort of waited until his next few years were already resettled into being in Poland. He had a job at the local mortuary that was willing to give him paid maternity leave. He was already five months along and kicking happy and healthy. Everything was going great. Except Stiles was all alone in Poland away from his family that he had effectively cut himself off from.

 He nervously bit his nails as the dial tone played through the speakers.

            “Hey, kiddo,” his dad answered.

            “I fucked up,” Stiles blurted. There was a long pause.

            “Give me a moment. Derek’s giving me puppy eyes from across the desk. I think this deserves some privacy.”

            Stiles’ heart skipped a beat at the mention of Derek. He nearly laughed as he heard them arguing. His dad won obviously because there was a slam of his sound proof door.

            “Okay, what happened,” the Sheriff asked calmly.

            “So, five months ago I did the deed with Derek and now I’m pregnant.”

            A long pause.

            “I’m going to need alcohol for this.”

            There was a distinctive clink of glass on glass.

            “Alright, son, continue,” his dad said. Stiles could practically imagine him waving his glass as a gesture for go ahead.

            “Two weeks ago, I saw Derek at the tram in the Sacramento International Airport, and decided that I was not ready to deal with… _that_ and bought a ticket back to the safety of Poland.”

            His dad sighed.

            “That’s terrible.”

            “Can you not tell him? In fact just don’t give anyone my new phone number,” Stiles begged rubbing his belly when the kiddos wiggled like they were sensing his distress.

            “I promise not to tell him. Are you graduating there,” his dad asked changing topics.

            “Yeah. I was gonna stay at the morgue for a few more years before I moved back to the U.S. They promised me paid maternity leave.”

            He heard his dad heave a breath before he broke in with, “Also, Do. Not. Give. Them. My. Number.”

There was a chuckle.

“I’m not going to tell them anything. Not even Derek. Maybe Mellissa. She’ll want to know about having another grandbaby.”

“Mellissa is always safe. You can tell her. I mean she was still ‘surprised’ when she learned that Kira was pregnant with her second.” Stiles paused adding. “Thank you, dad.”

“No worries, kiddo. I can’t wait to see _my_ first grandkid. See those Stilinski genes in another person besides you,” his dad said sounding sincere. Stiles rubbed his face surprised to find it wet.

“Of course! I’ll send you tons of pictures starting with the ultrasound. They’re a kicker.”

“Is that all?”

“No, I’m also prostituting myself for money,” Stiles said blandly. He could practically hear his father’s eye roll. There was some rustling before the sheriff spoke again.

“What’s your address? I’ll send you a care package.”

Stiles tensed up. He knew this trick. At least he wasn’t stupid enough not to have a P.O. box a town over. He rattled off the address. They exchanged sincere and secretly wet and manly ‘love you’s and ‘goodbye’s.

Stiles knew he threw him off his case but couldn’t stop thinking he made a mistake.

*

            Derek does _not_ sprint to the office as soon as he’s sure the Sheriff’s finished with his phone call. He walks in calmly and didn’t fumble opening the door at all. He found the Sheriff swirling a glass of whiskey and talking on the phone.

            “Naw, he’s in here looking at me like an agitated cat,” a pause and a sip, “Uh-huh. Love you too honey. Bye-bye.”

            The older man gestured for Derek to sit down before flicking the glass of whiskey over to him.

            “You are officially on break for the next couple of months. Maybe a year. I don’t know. My kid’s fucking nuts,” the Sheriff said. Derek looked at the glass dubiously.

            “Okay, so what do you have,” Derek asked. He felt like he was about to be put at a high disadvantage. The Sheriff slid a piece of paper over to him.

            “His P.O. box. Good luck finding him he’s probably a town or two over for safety.”

            “That’s it?”

“He still works at the morgue, but not for long. He’s still registered to school but all his bills are forwarded to my address. So yeah that’s it.”

Derek narrowed his eyes.

“He made you promise secrecy.”

“His phone number is no longer on my cellphone history.”

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Dammit. Thank you for the info I’ll get back to you as soon as I can,” Derek said slipping it into his pocket. He had set flight plans while the Sheriff was talking to his first caller.

“Um, son,” the Sheriff said hesitantly giving him a pitying look.

“Yeah?”

“The time constraint that wasn’t there before is there now. I suggest you find him within the couple of months or this could get very,” he shifted uncomfortably, “ugly.”

Derek thought the words over. Things were a mess now with Erica and Lydia stewing in violent moodiness and Scott practically ripping his hair out in worry. He couldn’t possibly think how it could get any worse.

“Sure thing,” he said slipping out the door.

*

Stiles was doing his morning ritual of peeing while complaining to kiddo and its surprise companion named sibling. He liked to think that kiddo was the one kicking him under the ribs giving him heart burn while sibling bounced happily on his bladder. Yay, twins, he thought dryly as he tried uselessly to shake himself underneath his massive swelling belly. He didn’t mind it much. He could set stuff on top of it much to his delight but jerking off and fingering were starting to become a chore no matter how much he wanted it. It took too much concentration and flexibility to get anywhere ever that he had to give himself a pep talk beforehand. He also found himself loving the idea of the kiddies. The soft baby smell the constant screaming and soft suckling noises they making when they drink from a bottle he loved the very thought of it. He still didn’t want breast. The stomach was alright and slightly enjoyable (despite back pain and swollen feet), but breast still felt like it was ripping something vital from him.

He slipped his sweat pants up and started waddling to bed. Seven and a half months in meant his feet were swollen and walking was starting to become a pain. His colleagues and classmates were always kind and courteous when he asked for help from time to time but he was slowly becoming cranky and depressed. He was alone and his mobility was slowly going away and it just sucked. It all sucked. He wanted babies but he’d rather not deal with the next couple of months to get there. It’ll be worth it but god he didn’t want to pay the price.

He continued to grumble to himself until there was a sharp knock on the door halting him from crawling into bed on his Sunday off.

Stiles muttered something homicidal under his breath before placing the blanket back on the bed and stumbling to the door.

 _“Co ty kurwa chcesz?”_ Stiles asked opening the door yawning. He scratched his head blinking up sleepily at his visitor. It felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over waking him out of whatever sleepiness that might have been there. Derek was there staring at him his eyes cutting between his face and his naked belly. Stiles slept shirtless, okay. It was perfectly normal.

“He-hey Derek,” Stiles said in English using the door to cover himself up a bit.

“You’re pregnant,” Derek said dumbfounded.

“Yeah,” Stiles said flinching when kiddo kicked him again. He absently rubbed the spot.

“Why are you pregnant,” Derek asked like he couldn’t quiet grasp the concept.

“I had sex?”

“You would have been pregnant at the airport.”

“Yes.”

Derek slumped against the door frame putting his face in his hands.

“God I thought you had a girlfriend or boyfriend or maybe one of your friends was suddenly in a car accident,” Derek muttered through his fingers. Stiles eyed him feeling a little lost. He opened the door wider and gestured for Derek to come in. Derek brushed past him and sat on the couch while Stiles locked the door and joined him. He rubbed his stomach in hopes that would soothe kiddo and sibling.

“How far along are you,” Derek asked watching Stiles hand with absolute interest.

“Nearly eight months,” Stiles answered. He still wasn’t on terms with reality and that Derek Hale, the man he kind of loved and father of his children, was sitting on his couch in his shitty apartment in Poland.

“Oh.” There was something in his tone that made Stiles turn to him.

“What?”  
            “Why didn’t you stay at the airport? The gang would have been fine with the pregnancy revelation,” Derek deflected. Stiles debated whether he should push or not but he had an opening why not take it.

“I didn’t really want to face the father at the time,” Stiles said biting his lip and waiting for Derek’s response.

“Oh, you should really tell him, Stiles. He deserves to know.” Derek wasn’t even trying to hide his hurt. Stiles rolled his eyes.

“O moj Boze! It’s you! You stupid asshole. You think I would bend over for anyone after years of dating. Jesus! I still don’t know why you broke up with me,” Stiles yelled flailing his arms about.

“We were dating?!?”

            Stiles jerked himself on top of Derek and punched him in the face.

            “Yes,” he said gripping his shirt and yanking him eye level, “We were. Why else would I buy you valentines bouquet’s and celebrate our anniversary, Derek?”

            “You’re gifts were always sex! How was supposed to put two and two together,” Derek argued.

            “Ohmygod. WE WENT ON DATES,” Stiles said shaking him, “We were literally living out of each other’s apartments. What more evidence did you need? A great long dignified statement of love?”

            “Fine! I didn’t get the message. I’m sorry,” Derek ended much quieter than he started. Stiles sighed rolling his eyes. He loosened his grip so he could grab Derek’s face and haul him up for a filthy short lived kiss. Derek pulled his eyes flitting between Stiles’ eyes and his lips before diving in hard and fast. Stiles moaned in letting the momentum carry him on to his back then groaned as pain sparked up along his back. Fuck. He hated being preggers. Sort of.

            “Let’s go have angry pregnant make up sex,” Stiles panted when Derek kissed his way down and started on a gigantic hickey on his neck. Derek didn’t answer just got up hauling Stiles with him by the hand. They stumbled to the bedroom Stiles giggling the entire way.

            *

            Derek was laying with his head on Stiles’ stomach listening and feeling his children wiggling around. Stiles pet his head yawning heavily.

            “Do you know the gender,” he asked voice filled with awe.

            “No, I wanted a surprise,” Stiles murmured his eyes growing heavy. Derek took that as his cue to crawl back up and spoon him. Derek kissed his temple.

            “Let’s get some sleep before we call the gang,” Derek whispered. Stiles nodded shifting to find a comfortable position.

            “Huh,” he said startling Derek from the edge of sleep.

            “What, now,” he asked Stiles’ shoulder.

            “Thought you should know they’re twins,” Stiles answered before snoring softly. Derek on the other hand was left wide awake.

            *

            “Bethany,” Stiles said to the screen filled with people. They all groaned in response. Stiles sighed and shifted uncomfortable. He was always uncomfortable. It was making him hate everyone more especially Derek who expected him to pop at any moment. He glanced at his belly the only visible piece of anatomy besides his arms. Derek might have a valid reason for thinking he might pop especially since the due date was anywhere from a week to today. Sibling punched his liver and Stiles winced rubbing the spot. The kiddies just would not stop fucking moving. It was becoming impossible to sleep.

            “Marcus,” Stiles gave. Lydia nodded her head while Erica shook hers viciously. Allison and Isaac continued to play cards on the other side of the screen and shrugged in response. Scott and Kira just looked at him with large puppy eyes.

            “Janet,” Derek said as he hopped over the couch with a bowl of popcorn. They skyped their friends once a week on Friday’s since they finally got the balls to call them. Afterwards there was sex and a movie but not necessarily in that order. Just the way Stiles would like to keep it.

            Erica sniggered on screen.

            “I like that one.”

            Lydia frowned.

            “No,” she said shaking her head. Allison slammed her cards down on the table and aggressively tackled Isaac to the floor. He let out a long pleading moan. No one who was actually chatting with them flinched. Stiles took that as his cue to end the conversation by just slamming the laptop closed. Stiles stared at the piece of technology with a sense of dread.

            “Are we that weird?”

            “Think we should tell them that their names are going to be either Sam, Gerwazy, or Grayzna,” Derek deflected. Stiles snorted.

            “Of course not. Why should we explain to them that gender neutral names are the best form of loop hole?”

            Derek nuzzled his shoulder hiding a laugh. Stiles pulled him into a kiss putting the popcorn on coffee table. Derek broke it to pull off his shirt and kiss his way down, down, down…Stiles gasped. Sex then movies it is.

            *

            Four hours later in a fit of madness the twins were born. Derek had received as a special gift two black eyes and a sprained wrist.

            *

            Five Years Later

            Derek stumbled from the plane holding on to a sleeping Gerwazy. He was a small kid but carrying him, his luggage and Derek’s luggage was making Derek’s arms sore. He watched Stiles nodding away to Samantha’s ramblings in Spanish, Stiles had taught them two other languages out of spite because it had taken Derek two years before he gave up and learned to speak Polish. He looked as wrecked as Derek felt. They wandered sleepily down past the TSA check out to the tram. Stiles leaned on to Derek holding Samantha’s hand tightly. She was a runner much to their dismay.

            Ger stirred in Derek’s arms.

            “You smell funny,” he grumbled. Derek sighed he smelled like recycled air and air plane. In truth they all smelled a little funny.

            “You smell funny too,” Derek replied sniffing his hair and making a disgusted face. Ger laughed.

            “Not you, Daddy’s the one that smells funny,” Ger said pointing accusingly at Stiles. Samantha leaned in and sniffed him her nose wrinkling.

            “Yeah, Daddy, you smell weird,” she said stepping closer to investigate. The doors to the tram opened and the family spilled inside before Derek could comment. He leaned in and sniffed Stiles there wasn’t anything off. Just…

            “Oh my god, you’re pregnant,” Derek said. Stiles blinked muggily up at Derek, clearly too tired to think.

            “Surprise,” he said with a one handed jazz hands that rattled his and their daughters luggage together.

            “You knew,” Derek said astonished. The tram doors opened to all their friends and family. Stiles sauntered out backwards.

            “Why do you think, we got the three bedroom house when the clearly the two bedroom one was on budget?”

            Derek wasn’t able to respond before they were surrounded in questions and hugs. That fucker. Stiles winked at him over Lydia’s shoulder. Derek was engulfed in fondness. Well Stiles was his asshole.

**Author's Note:**

> There's some mentions of body image issues, bad use of google translate, and Stiles cross dresses as an Arab woman. Comment if you think any of that crosses boundaries.


End file.
